Do you ever feel overwhelmed or like you\u2019re being taken advantage of? You\u2019ve probably already heard that you need to learn to say “No<\/i>” more. After all, by saying \u201cNo<\/i>\u201d, you would have more time to focus on priority tasks. But, it\u2019s hard \u2014 you don\u2019t want to be seen as uncooperative and hard to work with. Everyone says that you should do it (including us, in our past blog posts), but no one tells you how exactly to do it<\/i>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Well, we\u2019ll tell you how. In this article, we\u2019ll provide actionable tips on how to say “No<\/i>” at work (without feeling guilty) and help you figure out the reason you avoid saying it.<\/p>\n\n\n\nWhy do you avoid saying “No”?<\/h2>\n\n\n\n
Before we get into concrete tips on saying “No<\/i>” at work, it\u2019s important to figure out why we have a problem with it in the first place. There are many situations in which it\u2019s completely justifiable to say “No<\/i>“, such as:<\/p>\n\n\n\n Yet, people are still hesitant to say it, in fear of conflict and\/or being labeled as \u201cdifficult to work with.\u201d We don\u2019t want anyone to be disappointed or angry with us \u2014 we want to be agreeable. After all, since we were children, we were taught that saying “No<\/i>” was impolite.<\/p>\n\n\n\n As Dr. Vanessa Bohns, Ph.D., and a professor of organizational behavior at Cornell University, said for the Wall Street Journal<\/a>: \u201cOne of our most fundamental needs is for social connection and a feeling that we belong. Saying \u2018no\u2019 feels threatening to our relationships and that feeling of connectedness.<\/i>\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n Unsurprisingly, women are more likely to say \u201cYes<\/i>\u201d even if they want to say “No<\/i>“. In the words of academic coach Mary McKinney, Ph.D., for the American Psychological Association<\/a>, “Saying no is more challenging for women because of societal pressures to be likable. Men are still seen as likable if they’re assertive, while women are more likely to be seen as likable if they’re compliant.<\/i>” This pressure is even bigger for minority women.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Saying “No<\/i>” is a delicate art; there are quite a few things you need to keep in mind in order to do it correctly at work. To make it easier to remember everything, we divided the tips into DO\u2019s and DON\u2019T\u2019s.<\/p>\n\n\n\n These are the practices you should follow when you want to say “No” at work politely and guilt-free.<\/p>\n\n\n\n The first step is to reframe how you think about saying “No<\/i>“.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Saying “No<\/i>” to something that doesn\u2019t matter is essentially saying \u201cYes<\/i>\u201d to something important to you \u2014 such as a priority task you want to save time for.<\/p>\n\n\n\n It means that you respect your time and you want to be intentional about spending it. There\u2019s nothing wrong with that and you\u2019re not a bad person for doing so. Your time<\/a> and energy are finite resources, so you need to pick wisely what you\u2019ll spend them on.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Pay attention to your tone and body language. As Jonathan Price said in his book, Put That in Writing<\/a>, \u201cTone is the hardest part of saying no<\/i>.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n On one hand, you should be straightforward and assertive and say “No<\/i>” firmly. On the other hand, you should also be pleasant and polite.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Don\u2019t be mean, but don\u2019t be too nice either \u2014 try to have a neutral tone. Not an easy task to do, but finding the right balance is crucial to deliver the “No<\/i>” the right way.<\/p>\n\n\n\n If people have to decide between believing words that come out of your mouth and your body language, they are more likely to choose the latter. Learning to recognize body language cues is a good skill to have to know someone\u2019s true intentions, even though we can recognize a lot of them instinctively. So, pay attention to your body language:<\/p>\n\n\n\n How to politely say “No<\/i>” at work? Don\u2019t just give a flat-out “No<\/i>“. Propose an alternative. Even though you\u2019ll technically refuse to do something, you\u2019ll still seem helpful and like a team player.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Instead of saying \u201cI won\u2019t be able to do that<\/i>\u201d, try something like this: \u201cI\u2019m not available right now, but I\u2019ll be happy to do that on Thursday, when I finish the task I\u2019m currently working on.<\/i>\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n A little bit of empathy goes a long way; despite telling them \u201cNo<\/i>\u201d, you\u2019ll still want to maintain a good relationship with others.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Try to always speak from a place of compassion and make people feel heard.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Use phrases such as \u201cI realize\/understand that\u2026<\/i>\u201d. For example, \u201cI understand that you are really busy and I wish I could help, but my schedule is completely packed.<\/i>\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n If you want to say \u201cNo, I\u2019m busy<\/i>\u201d without actually saying it, time blocking<\/a> your work calendar may be the answer. It helps to avoid confrontation, which is a plus in a lot of people\u2019s books.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Block out the time frame when you don\u2019t want to be disturbed (make sure your calendar is not private and others can see it too) and let it speak for you.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \ud83d\udca1 For more similar tips, check out this Time management guide<\/a>.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n\n\n\n Practice saying “No<\/i>” in situations that aren\u2019t crucial for your future, such as saying it to a salesperson trying to get you to buy something you don\u2019t want. This will help you build confidence to say “No<\/i>” when it really matters.<\/p>\n\n\n\n You can even rehearse saying it in the mirror if that works for you \u2014 we won\u2019t judge.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Part of being good at time management<\/a> is knowing how to spend your time in the best way possible. Is it finishing your task or helping your coworker? Depends on the situation.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Saying \u201cYes<\/i>\u201d to everything, no matter how quick it is, interrupts your concentration and ability for deep work<\/a>. And no matter how much you want to help, sometimes you just don\u2019t have the right skillset to complete a task successfully. Not all tasks are tasks you can or should do.<\/p>\n\n\n\n On the flip side, helping can strengthen the bond between you and your teammate(s), or even help you improve<\/em> your skills.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Not all situations are black and white and you\u2019ll have to weigh out the potential costs and benefits of accepting (or refusing) to do a task.<\/p>\n\n\n\n No matter how nice and reasonable your “No<\/i>” was, some people aren\u2019t going to take it well, especially if it\u2019s your first time setting boundaries.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Be mentally prepared for that option and know it has nothing to do with you.<\/p>\n\n\n\n As Holly Weeks, the author of Failure to Communicate<\/i>, said for Harvard Business Review<\/a>, \u201cYou can influence how the other person reacts, but you can\u2019t control it.<\/i>\u201d (Re)actions of other people are not your fault \u2014 everyone is responsible for their own.<\/p>\n\n\n\n These are the practices you should avoid if you want to achieve the best possible delivery of your “No<\/i>“.<\/p>\n\n\n\n You should, of course, give a reason for your refusal, but you don\u2019t have to go into too much detail. You don\u2019t need to tell them your whole life story. \u201cI\u2019m so sorry, but my manager gave me another task and I\u2019m already working on one big project and I\u2019m having a hard time finishing everything and I never come home before 8 PM and I\u2019m too tired to even cook so I basically live on coffee and takeout and\u2026<\/i>\u201d is too much.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cThanks for reaching out, but I need to finish the high-priority project I\u2019m working on, so I, unfortunately, wouldn\u2019t be able to help you.<\/i>\u201d, is just enough.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Don\u2019t say \u201cSorry<\/i>\u201d too many times. In fact, it\u2019s better to avoid saying it and turn the \u201cSorry<\/i>\u201d statement into a \u201cThank you<\/i>\u201d statement whenever possible. For example, saying \u201cThank you for your patience<\/i>\u201d instead of \u201cSorry for waiting.<\/i>\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n If a situation is complex, you don\u2019t need to have the answer right away. Taking some time to think about it, weighing out all the options, and checking your calendar is completely okay.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Don\u2019t be afraid to say \u201cI need some time to think about it, can I get back to you?<\/i>\u201d.<\/p>\n\n\n\n If you already know what your answer is going to be, don\u2019t prolong saying it. It will only be harder with time, especially if you\u2019re an anxious person \u2014 but even if you aren\u2019t, that mental burden will add extra stress.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Moreover, it\u2019s fairer to the other side too, as they\u2019ll have more time to find someone else.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Since we went over the basics, here are some additional tips on how to say “No<\/i>” in specific work situations.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Saying “No<\/i>” to your boss can be tricky. After all, it\u2019s intimidating to refuse someone who can get you fired.<\/p>\n\n\n\n The best way to go about it is to talk about priorities.<\/p>\n\n\n\n It can look something like this: \u201cThank you for thinking of me for this. If this is a priority, I can start working on it right now, however, it will push the deadline of <\/i>[the project you\u2019re currently working on] by 2 months.<\/i>\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n A lot of people have a problem with saying “No<\/i>” to coworkers because they don\u2019t want to be perceived as jerks who don\u2019t want to help a teammate in trouble. You can avoid this by being as honest as possible.<\/p>\n\n\n\n If you have no expertise in a project they\u2019re asking you to take on, just say it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n If you lie and get caught \u2014 for example, if you say you\u2019re \u201ctoo busy\u201d and then they see you take on other projects \u2014 it will damage your relationship.<\/p>\n\n\n\n If you still decide to lie (I can\u2019t really tell you what to do, can I?), don\u2019t be obvious. Busy people don\u2019t take long coffee breaks and laugh at cat videos in the office.<\/p>\n\n\n\n I believe it\u2019s important to follow your instructions to a T for a project to succeed. But, giving a flat-out “No<\/i>” to your employees\u2019 suggestions won\u2019t exactly create a positive working atmosphere. Instead, thank them for their suggestions and try to explain why you do things the way you do. Try to turn that “No<\/i>” into a \u201cWhy<\/i>\u201d.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Additional tip:<\/b> Don\u2019t be patronizing while doing so.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \ud83d\udca1 If time tracking is among the things you have to explain, we got your back: How to explain the need for time tracking to your team<\/a>.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n\n\n\n Saying “No<\/i>” at work is not easy, but it\u2019s often necessary. Just like in private life, you must set boundaries and stand up for yourself; stop over-apologizing and succumbing to pressure to put the needs of others before your own.<\/p>\n\n\n\n It\u2019s a skill that has to be learned over time. There are things you can do that can help you, such as suggesting alternatives and acknowledging the other person \u2014 but, practice makes perfect.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u2709\ufe0f Have you ever been in a position that you have to say “No<\/i>” at work? Did you find it hard or easy? What are your favorite tips on how best to say “No<\/em>“? Write to us at blogerfeedback@clockify.me<\/a> for a chance to be featured in future articles.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n\n\n\n\n
Do\u2019s and don\u2019ts of saying “No” at work<\/h2>\n\n\n\n
DO\u2019s of saying “No” at work<\/h3>\n\n\n\n
Reframe how you think about the word “No”<\/h4>\n\n\n\n
Be both assertive and polite<\/h4>\n\n\n\n
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Suggest an alternative<\/h4>\n\n\n\n
Acknowledge the other person<\/h4>\n\n\n\n
Block time in your calendar when you\u2019re busy<\/h4>\n\n\n\n
Practice<\/h4>\n\n\n\n
Weigh out the cost and benefits of saying “No”<\/h4>\n\n\n\n
Prepare for a possible negative feedback<\/h4>\n\n\n\n
DON\u2019Ts of saying “No” at work<\/h3>\n\n\n\n
Don\u2019t go into too much detail<\/h4>\n\n\n\n
Don\u2019t over-apologize<\/h4>\n\n\n\n
Don\u2019t feel under pressure to answer immediately<\/h4>\n\n\n\n
Don\u2019t give false hope that you\u2019ll change your mind<\/h4>\n\n\n\n
Additional tips for specific situations<\/h2>\n\n\n\n
Saying “No” to your boss<\/h3>\n\n\n\n
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Saying “No” to your coworker<\/h3>\n\n\n\n
Saying “No” to your employees<\/h3>\n\n\n\n
Conclusion<\/h2>\n\n\n\n